I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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