if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
