hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
