operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
