We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
