What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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