Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
