So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
