His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
