If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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