I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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