My room smells like vodka and shame
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
