Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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