i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
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