I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
