Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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