In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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