You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
