Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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