so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
