she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I smell like Dick and happiness
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