he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
