Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
