I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
