There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
