Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
