so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
