is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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