Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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