did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
