Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
