At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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