just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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