Ambien. No doubt about it.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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