If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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