He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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