Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
