mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
