She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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