Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
