and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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