Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
