make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
