I'm so fucking centered right now
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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