That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
