I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
