People in love make me want to vomit
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
