Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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