Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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