so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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