we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
